The Lonely Diva, who she is and why she rocks!

The Lonely Diva, who she is and why she rocks!

I noticed a woman reading
              In a chair not far from mine.
Silver-haired, calm, she stirred a hunger
              Hard for me to define,
Perhaps because she doesn’t seem lonely.
              And what I loved was this:
The way, when dusk had darkened her pages,
              As if expecting a kiss, - Brock

  

Every human on earth has experienced some form of loneliness at some point in their life. Women are however said to be more prone to suffer from it. This may or may not be true. Regardless, loneliness is not an easy thing to live with.

According Dr. Minesh Khatri, a clinical associate professor at the NYU Long Island School of Medicine, loneliness is a struggle to emotionally connect with others even when the desire is there. It can hit you at any age, at any point in your life.

And while loneliness and being alone are not the same thing, both often occupy the same space. You could be surrounded by many and still feel alone and lonely. And sometimes when you are alone you may feel like the loneliest person in the world. Living far from family and friends can be tough. Separated by choice or circumstance, it doesn’t matter. You hit a certain age and there seems to be no one near that cares or who you care for. People leave, grow, drift away... Life circumstances change – marriage, kids, illness, new jobs, school or relationships.

 

 Kailands lonely diva, a woman hugs herself

 

my lonely life around me like a moor,
my ungainly body stumping over the mud flats with a look of transformation
that dies when I come in the kitchen door. – Carson.
 

Loneliness is not an easy thing to deal with. Yet women experiencing it deal with its crippling effects daily, often too afraid or ashamed to say what they are going through. Their struggle with loneliness and their strength and bravery in finding ways to manage and overcome has a way of shaping them into “Divas” - strong, positive-living women with personalities, able to embrace the goddess within and celebrate themselves for who they are.

Diva: /ˈdiːvə/ a strong woman with personality, at peace with herself, able to embrace the goddess within and celebrate themselves just for who they are. 

 

Here are a few reasons why women who have dealt with or are dealing with loneliness are some of the strongest and a solid expression of a diva.

 

  1. They are incredibly resilient

I have learnt the true meaning of contentment and the beauty of expectation, the continued hoping for a better tomorrow.

 

Loneliness has tried to smother them and may have even knocked them to the ground. But they have always gotten back up, found a way to wake up every morning, put on some lip gloss and face the day. Sometimes with a smile on their face. That is resilience. Most of the time, you would not even know this person is struggling with loneliness. She finds a way to push through this time of her life knowing it is temporal. She does everything possible to maintain her well-being; from planned daily routines to spontaneous experiences and intentional life choices. She never lets her loneliness cripple her or make her feel desperate. Yes, by experiencing and living “through it”.  Not avoiding it, judging it or herself, or fighting it.

Imagine feeling okay with feeling lonely. That is in itself a measure of resilience.

 

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils. - Wordsworth
  1. They know themselves

Loneliness. I know it well. I have ridden that train many times and over several seasons, up and down the tracks of life. The windows on the train are reflective and I have seen and learnt a lot about who I am and what I want during those times of my life.

 

Having experienced loneliness and not allowing themselves to be consumed by it they have come out the other side more self-aware. And self-awareness...knowing one's self is an important element in nurturing healthy relationships, be they platonic or romantic. Being self-aware can “lead to deeper, more fruitful relationships. It also frees you from the expectations of others, allowing you to be your authentic self”, says researcher Maggie Wooll.

 

From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were—I have not seen
As others saw—I could not bring
My passions from a common spring—
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow—I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone—
And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone— - Allan Poe

 

  1. They are very empathetic

 

A 2020 psychology study notes that individuals that have experienced loneliness evolve a deeper sense of empathy as a coping mechanism. Empathy is when a person is able to emotionally connect or react to what another person or group feels or experiences.

 

So having experienced or experiencing loneliness, a lonely diva is more sensitive and able to put themselves in other people’s shoes. Loneliness can increase such sensitivities because feeling empathy is found to reduce feelings of loneliness.

 

Even what was beyond us
was recast in our image;
we gave the country a heart,
the storm an eye,
the cave a mouth
so we could pass into safety. - Mueller

 

  1. They are resourceful

Every day, millions of women around the world – mothers, doctors, dancers - experience loneliness and deal with the often overwhelming effects (anxiety, depression, insomnia). All while showing up for the many roles they must play in life – from preparing little Tommy’s lunch box to tomorrow’s presentation slides – we find ways to manage it all. They find creative solutions to boost their confidence,  so they can “be”. Whether it’s a new shade of lipstick or ensuring a good night's sleep, they find ways to be there for themselves and others.

 

And while loneliness can be tough to live with. And while it is an experience that is tough to deal with, it is often temporary. You just have to find ways to live through it and come out the other end stronger. To do this understand that "loneliness can sometimes be the best company". And while you are going through this temporary phase, try to milk any alone time for all the good it may bring you with amenities for relaxation, reflection, meditation, creativity, and rest. Find beauty in ashes, strength in pain, bliss in despair, and comfort in yourself.

 
Is that I noticed a woman reading
              In a chair not far from mine.
Silver-haired, calm, she stirred a hunger
              Hard for me to define,
Perhaps because she doesn’t seem lonely.
              And what I loved was this:
The way, when dusk had darkened her pages,
              As if expecting a kiss, - Brock

 

 

 

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